Talk about nostalgia. I’m writing this from the kitchen table of my college bff who I met in a city college Math class back in 2006. I haven’t been back here since we moved to L.A. in 2011 so everything is trippin’ me out while we drive around. Kiki- she sat down next to me, we shared some raspberries, she copied my answers during exams, her home was my second home, and we’ve been besties ever since.
She met me in a time where I was in the middle of a transition. What’s new, we’re always transitioning aren’t we; things change, people change, we change. At the time I was in a relationship that I was happy in, I was going to school because I wanted to be pharmacist, I was in the middle of a huge custody battle, and I was learning to be independent again. Well for the first time really.
I share a lot of what my life what like before my husband Joe, and what I went through as a teen mom and as a single parent. But I hardly talk about my life now and I want to do more of that. So here’s a glimpse and what I learned.
Kiki took Corrine and I in when we had no place to go. I went through a traumatic break up a few years after we met and she moved my god-son Joshua into her room and let us stay in his room, without question. Corrine slept on the bottom bunk and I on the top. I silently cried myself to sleep often because I felt like a failure again. Another failed relationship, unsure of what I wanted to do or where we were gonna go, but Kiki never stopped believing in me. We lived with her for almost a year and she never charged me a penny because she wanted me to save up and move to L.A. to pursue this YouTube thing I’d been talking about.
What I learned from her is that real friends have your best interest in mind and they want you to succeed. They’re never in competition with you or put you down to make themselves feel better. When you’re broken they help put it all back together and sometimes you need them more than they need you, but then other times they’ll need you more than you need them. Things shift and friendship roles may change, but real friends stick around and are there even when life happens and you hardly see one another. Her friendship allowed me to appreciate the love I’d find in Joe because I finally felt worthy of a non toxic relationship.
Joe taught me what an adult relationship feels like and what it means to be emotionally intelligent, mature enough to know what you bring to the table and what you need to work on. No one is perfect but he’s pretty damn close. He is never jealous or insecure, he encourages me and champions my wins, and he puts our happiness above his own. He taught me that the chaos I sometimes crave is a form of self destruction and what it means to be a good communicator… which I still suck at. He taught me to be selfless.
The friendships and relationships in your life will all teach you lessons if you’re listening. And if you can look at them with gratitude you’ll see that you’ve grown a bit more each time a reason or a season ends that connection.
Being here with Kiki and her two children remind me what my life was like when I lived here with Corrine and I don’t say that in a condescending way, I say it with gratitude and respect. Think about the relationships in your life, what did you learn? I really want to share more of our back story but also what’s happening in our lives now. I’m working on doing that in a way that feels comfortable, soon <3
What are some things you’d like to hear me talk more about this year? Corrine and I, as well as Joe and I are creating a few fun series for you and I’d love to get your thoughts on the subject!