Joe and I have been together 9 years this July and we’ve been asked before what it is that keeps us together and in love. I’ll be the first to tell you that we’re not perfect and there are days where one of us leaves the house because too much of a good thing can be just too much. We both work from home and we’re in one another’s space 24/7, so for us it’s been about taking time away from work to just play. And to be honest.
Because it’s not the love part that’s hard to hold on to I think it’s the in-love part that we’re in constant maintenance of. People fall in and out of love all the time. I mean we’ve been together for 9 years, we’ve had every conversation you can imagine, we’ve had all the sex and said all the things, so how do we keep that spark alive? It’s more than a physical connection, and damn, I get it, physical connections are the best, they’re electric and necessary. But it’s more than physical, we have to respect one another, hold admiration for the other, take time out for ourselves as individuals, celebrate each other, and sex. Yes sex is important in any relationship but I really want to share with you some things we do to keep it sexy. Beyond the sex.
- date nights – Joe has a wife and now he’s dating his wife. You bet he is! Courting and flirting shouldn’t just stop when you get married. If anything you have to try even harder to show the other person that you’re still willing to fight for that love because there is a bit of relief that comes with marriage. Meaning, some people get really comfortable in their relationships at a certain point and then they stop making an effort to keep things sexy. *the sexy I’m referring to is love, admiration, flirtation, and respect* At least one date a week is our goal. A time for just the two of us to reconnect, distraction free
- respect, love, and admiration – I bundled these together because I think they all go hand in hand. When we love someone we should respect them and admire them in some way. I admire Joe’s selflessness and willingness to give of himself to me, Corrine, and his philanthropic work. Respect is huge, respect and trust make up the foundation of any relationship, so Joe and I have this thing that keeps us in check with how we speak to one another. We call it our “love stone” and we refer to this love stone any time we think the other person is getting too sassy, “don’t chip away at our love stone, you’re getting fresh!”. Imagine you start with a huge love boulder and every time you disrespect one another it’s chipped at and dwindles down over time to a love pebble. With this in mind, it really helps me (Joe is a damn angel) not to word vomit onto him and to not say anything too hurtful that I know I won’t be able to take back. Our words are weapons and we can hurt or we can heal. If you can admire something about the person you’re with- their integrity, their work ethic, their heart, their honesty, something…. I think it’ll make a difference in how you treat them
- we protect our relationship at all costs – that means we don’t have people in our lives that would tempt us out of our relationship. Our marriage and what we share is so important to us that no matter what happens we’re solid, impenetrable. Cheating is a deal breaker guys and I’ve had to cut ties with people I’ve cared for because they were toxic to my marriage. A good rule of thumb (thank you Miya for this one): Imagine your loved one sitting on your lap when you do or say things. If what you’re about to say or do would be inappropriate with your loved one sitting on your lap then it’s probably not the right thing to do. Sending that text, responding to that DM, creepin’ on that person’s page, if you’d doubt that action with them sitting next to you, don’t do it. Or do, but be honest with your significant other so they’re given the opportunity to respond to the real issue- which is probably insecurity, lack of communication, and/or temptation. Temptation is inevitable, we’re human, we’re driven by desire I get it! But it’s not acting on those temptations that I’m talking about here
- communication – so key! If I need something from Joe or if he needs something from me we voice it. More time, less attitude, more sex, less phone time, whatever it is, if we need it from the other we communicate. I think it’s super important to also communicate with your partner when they’re doing something you love, so that they can do more of THAT! I love when Joe acknowledges all of the things I do around the house for him and he loves when I do things around the house – yes we’re perfect for each other 😉 Love languages, communicate what yours it and find out what theirs is, it’s so HUGE when it comes to ensuring one another’s happiness. I’m words and touch and Joe is acts of services and time. So different right? But now that we know what the other needs we can speak their love language. *get the book*
- sex, sex, sex – yup I said it, sex! Sex is a big part of life, some people love it, some hate it, some need it, some don’t. Being honest with your partner about what you need (or don’t need) from them to be satisfied is a big part of what keeps relationships together. If you’re not physical with your partner and it’s just not how you connect, this isn’t directed towards you. Some people don’t need it and they’re happy in their relationships without it and that’s totally okay and normal, everyone is different. But if your normal is to connect through touch and being close and being intimate, then I think it’s so important to communicate what you need, when you need it, how you need it, all of it. Be honest and be open. No pun intended and P.S. creating chaos just creates chaos, lets try not to do that
I hope this wasn’t too personal but hey, 2019 I told myself I’m gonna start being more open and transparent about topics that matter to me. My marriage matters to me and how other people’s relationships function and what works for them and what hasn’t worked in the past, that’s what I’m interested in.
Tell me what’s worked for you, what you’ve learned to do and not to do. I’m an open book too y’all, ask me some questions <3