Don’t trade your authenticity for approval – hello October
The topic of oversharing and toxicity has come up a lot lately in my personal conversations and it’s something I don’t think we openly talk about enough. I do recall drafting up an entire Ted Talk about Instagram and how affected we all are, leaving that for you here so you can come back to it. Pssst, enjoy a stiff drink while you read it 😉
So a lil back story on how oversharing went from being just for funs and turned into my full time job. I launched my YouTube channel back in 2010, began writing for my blog shortly after, hosted different shows, got on every social media platform, and taught myself how to edit-ish. So after about five years of scripting, blogging, filming and figuring it out I began working with brands. I collaborated with them for free at first (hey, we gotta start somewhere), then set rates, created a one-sheet … la la la, here we are at present day and the grind of that side of things still makes up 90% of my income.
And even though so many things evolved and I learned so much through trial and error, the judgements and comparisons never ceased. Eleven years of figuring it out, I can feel the word vomit coming up…
I just wanna say, I love my job. I want to say that before the word vomit makes its way out and it reads otherwise. I love that I get to work with brands I support, travel with my loved ones, and talk about whatever the hell I want… mostly. But what I don’t love, where my frustration lies, is with social media. That part can be a real shit show and I haven’t completely learned how to navigate the politics of it gracefully. I know that we take from it what we make of it, but at some point anything that pays you to do the thing, becomes the job. And it’s not always my job to be real about things, hence I’ve passed on many ‘a brand deals. The reality is that creative blocks come often, people pass judgments on the parts of your life you share, and those things become gospel… people really think THAT is your whole life. We get boxed in and sometimes the box is pretty and shiny when sometimes your box is actually tattered, a lil rough around the edges, and has been kicked around a few times.
Ah the love of the Likes! Again, read up on my Ted Talk I referenced earlier for more on this, but I have learned that people see you do ONE thing and it’s ALL they want from you. For me, it’s beauty stuff like videos and tutorials, it’s Corrine and my story about how I was a single teen mom, and it’s fitness. When I divert from those expectations and share my love life or my mooky days people are quick to unfollow. It’s super suspect and feels gross when people leave but honestly it’s better than some of the crude remarks left behind in their place. Aside from being boxed in, the mob mentality of the internet, and cancel culture, what cuts deeper and feels more personal to me is the competitiveness of it all. I want to level up just like everyone else, but not at the expense of belittling anyone. Being dismissive is detrimental.
people want you to succeed they just don’t want you to be more successful than them
I’ve heard that quote before and I really want it to be untrue. I do belive there’s room for everyone at the top and that no one does it alone. I mean, we’ve all had help getting to where we are today. A mentor, a team, a partnership, a lucky break, some good timing, and a whole lot of hard fuggen work. I like to think that we do it better together so it’s strange to me when people are unsupportive… so where’s the balance between being authentic by speaking our personal truths and the desire for accessibility from the rest of the world? It can feel confusing and despy to post post post but not know why.
That is the reason I share so much of my life publicly, because there is SO much more to our lives that no one sees. Granted, it’s up to us to determine what we talk about and what we choose to keep close, but for me- my love life, my highs and lows, the real shit we should be talking about, that’s the kind of stuff I want to see and refuse to stop sharing.
I look at it like we’re all creating tribes and the more I know about your real life the more I’m invested in your real life. Am I alone in that feeling? To cultivate communities of support and inclusivity and tryyyy not to compare our lives to anyone else’s… well damn, that’s a hard one I know but I’m trying. I have to remind myself that young minds are impressionable (as are not so young ones), and that IG is the highlight reel, it’s life all cleaned up and presentable. Imagine what it would look like if we posted our crummy days, crying melt downs, frustrations, fiery love stories, and real life traumas. I guess that’s why I started blogging in the first place <3
If sharing your life on a public platform is part of your job (i.e. you’re in sales bc you’re a real estate agent, fitness professional, actor, producer, restaurant owner or the like) how do you manage? How do you navigate? Did any of this land on you or is this specific to the “influencer world”. Oh how that word has gotten me into some trouble ha!
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