A few things have happened very recently that makes me want to talk about apologies. I had a very inspiring conversation with Elissa Kravetz of The Farley Project, she is so inspirational and uplifting, and my amazing friend Miya was there with me. If you know Miya, you know she is one of the most positive and genuine people you’ll ever meet. We all talked about bullying today, about emotions, and about apologies.
There is so much power in the words, “I’m sorry”, yet it’s so hard for people to say them. I’ve always taught my daughter to apologize freely. Not because she is right or wrong, not to admit defeat, not to place or accept blame, but to say, “Hey, I hurt you, I’m sorry”. Whether you meant what you said or did, or whether you didn’t, saying you’re sorry shouldn’t be about pride, it shouldn’t be about ego, it’s about human compassion. But for most people it’s not, and because of that, many people avoid apologies because in all reality they’re really just avoiding the shame they feel when they say it.
It’s not shameful to say sorry, it’s powerful. It’s forgiveness, it’s closure. Talking about something once the apology is said is one thing but please never continue an apology with the word, “but”. There’s no but, just a period. Something we also discussed today is how children are taught to apologize because they did something wrong, that they’re wrong….they called a boy a name, or they threw a rock at a girl, so they say they’re sorry but now they attach the statement with a negative stigma. It makes them feel badly about themselves and they don’t know why because it’s never explained to them why they are apologizing, so now the shame comes along and mix that with human pride, and bam, no one apologizes anymore. Well not all, but most.
I have a 16 year old daughter that I am teaching to navigate through life and how to own her life, how to own her decisions, and how to be a good person. That all starts with sense of self, with being secure in who you are, and with having integrity. Not an easy thing to do let me tell ya, and I should practice what I preach sometimes, but that’s life and we live and we learn. Live and let live I say, and say you’re sorry and let things go. Let people go if you have to, I’ve had to and let me tell ya, it’s difficult and it hurts, but sometimes toxic things in your life influence you to make toxic decisions, and that sucks.
I’ll step off my soap box now but I think the only way to grow in life is to learn. Knowledge is power and so are your words. Your words carry weight and like a toothpaste once they’re out, there’s no putting them back. I am thankful for the conversation I had with these two incredible ladies today because it reminded me to practice gratitude and kindness.
I love you and thank you for letting me rant 😀
-Jess
BUT on the flip side.. it’s annoying when someone apologizes all the time and for things that don’t need apologies.. so when a real apology is needed, it doesn’t even feel genuine? I can name one of those people… living right in our apartment complex. haha
I’m glad you are teaching her life lessons like this.. and the best way is to walk the walk.. right? I do have a hard time apologizing.. especially to Jacob, but when I can put my pride down and do it.. is when I know I’m growing up. 😀 It means that our relationship and WE are more important than just me and my feelings.