Corrine’s Side Of Things

by with 2 Comments family
Do you have many memories as a child in regards to struggle?
Yes. Looking back, I realize we did struggle. However, at the time I was none the wiser. I reflect now and understand that my mom was a single parent working to make ends meet on her own. I had no concept of that at the time. I was still in elementary school, so I was oblivious to any sort of financial struggle. Yes, we did live in an apartment with minimal furniture for awhile (think, mattress on the floor and tv with no stand, lol) but in my mind, I was living it up. After all, I had a warm place to sleep, a full tummy and my beloved collection of cd’s and books, lol. My mom never gave me any indication that she was struggling. I got a $100 shopping spree at target for my birthday one year, which is super rad to receive at any age, really. I’d still be stoked if I got that today, like yes please?! But I think that’s just the kind of kid I was. I didn’t have much to compare my living situation to and I wasn’t giving too much thought to anything besides my latest crushes and friends at school. In retrospect I understand now.From your perspective how were those struggles defined and how do you think it affected your relationship with your mom?
I was so young, I didn’t know what to do besides go with the flow. We were both just coping and being glad that we weren’t homeless. It did draw us closer together because we spent a lot of our time together. I also think I sensed the stress my mom was under, not to the fullest extent obviously, but I understood. Being so young and placed in that situation is confusing, because I found myself attempting to overcompensate to ensure my mom’s happiness and be as little of a problem as possible for her. It’s a personality trait I’ve carried with me, but it’s not always a good thing. So I’m currently trying to unlearn it.What did you think about Joe when you first met him?
I was 12, I didn’t think much besides, “wow, what a nice guy.”

Do you think dynamics have changed since Joe and your mom got married? How so?
I think the dynamics have changed more so within their relationship as a couple and how they tackle issues together. I do however feel closer to Joe and he makes it a point to let me know that I can count on him for whatever, always. He lets me know I’m loved and supported and can go to him for anything. That’s something that has shifted after they got married, whereas before he was a little bit more distant, haha. I don’t blame him, it was probs v confusing.

Did you have any fears in your mom remarrying? Did you think you’d have less time with her?
No, not at all actually. The thought never even crossed my mind and I didn’t expect much to change. I never worried because their relationship never gave me a reason to think we’d spend less time together.

What’s some advice you’d give a single parent about parenting that you think you’ve learned that’s helped you and your mom stay close through life’s ups and downs?
I think being close with your parent(s) stems from your bond with them. My mom and I have always been close because that’s just who my mom is and how she taught me to be! She’s open minded, fearlessly accepting and always wants to hear about my perspectives, opinions and experiences in life, that goes for Joe too. I’m so lucky to have parents who allow me to express myself freely, and own my feelings and beliefs as an individual. I think one of the worst things you can do as a parent is to not let your kid(s) be genuinely themselves in their identity and interests.  I am who I am and accept myself and others because my mom never passed judgement onto me when I wanted to listen to different types of music or express an interest in conventionally strange topics. I think the best thing you can teach anyone whether you’re parenting or not is to practice compassion, with an openness to understand the world and the different experiences you can have within it. My mom never limited me to who I could be or the experiences I could have, and I am so grateful that she helped shape me into the dynamic person that I am today.

It makes me so happy to share answers to questions like this from Corrine. It’s so special to hear her side of things on some topics, thank you so much for sending in your questions and we look forward to doing this more often with you this year <3

What other things should we talk about, what you like to know? What are some questions you have for us individually or as a family? Please and thank you xoxo

 

 

 

 

 

This cutie baby. I was 16, she was just a few months old, and like a baby model!

Then And Now

by with One Comment motivation

FYI this is a book. Do you remember that movie from the 80’s where a group of friends reunite after many years and the entire film revolves around one pivotal summer? That’s today’s theme as I revisit my past- except it includes many pivotal seasons, with friends- except you’re my friends, some old and some new.

It feels pretty fitting today being International Women’s Day and me reliving moments that heavily revolve around women literally saving my life in certain moments. This is for them and for you.

Perhaps it’s a defense mechanism we use to protect ourselves from getting too close, but sometimes it’s just easier for us to put others in a box of expectations, like four walls full of assumptions that are usually far from the actual truth. At the end of the day we’re all more alike than we are different and we’re all moving through something. I think the more we share our stories the more we can help one another. Here’s some of mine

15 and pregnant

I was actually 15 when I got pregnant with Corrine and 16 when I had her. I lost all my friends, my HS gently asked me to leave and continue my studies from home, and I disappointed every single person I respected.

What I learned– no one gets to decide YOUR life but you. I fought to keep Corrine when my family wanted me not to have her (ps they LOVED her when she was born. Not the point). I fought to finish my HS education and graduated a year early with the Presidential Award and a scholarship. So when someone tells you that you can’t do something, tell them to watch you, and then strut your ass away like you’re on the brightest most biggest lit runway of life.

Leaving a love. 

Whether you’re ending a marriage, breaking up with your significant other, or fleeing in the middle of the night because your life depends on it, you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do. I left a marriage, I left a relationship, and each time it didn’t get easier. What helped is when friends (lookin’ at you Kiki) took us in and let us stay with them when we had no where to go and I didn’t want us to sleep in our car again.

What I learned- leave before it’s too late. Before you hate each other, before it becomes too toxic that you no longer respect one another enough to be decent. Before you throw wrenches or take a fist to the face, before you can’t leave. Ask for help, reach out to a friend or a family member, say something. Don’t stay because it’s comfortable, because you think you need them, because you don’t.

Child custody and being broke af

I fought for years for Corrine to be in my custody. I fought by myself and for myself. He had a lawyer, a really good one. I had no one and nothing but 2 jobs, a mattress on the floor, a broken tv, and a shit ton of debt. Did I mention I was running from the repo company for a year? And I did it because I had this little human looking up at me depending on me for coping skills and I swear you can do it too. When I had no love left for myself I still showed her love. Even when I felt like I had none to give and was worthy of none in return, she made me the woman I am today.

What I learned- I have to love myself for Corrine to ever know what love looks like or feels like. It’s so important the things we say to ourselves when no one is listening. I had to lean on women in my life for them to see the light in me (and show it to me) when I couldn’t find it in myself. Lean on friends, check in on the strong ones- they probably need it most, and I hope you love yourself more than anyone could ever love you.

Life today- meeting Joe and the happily ever after

Joe’s the first relationship I’ve ever been in where I feel safe. Safe to be myself, to feel my crazy, to be insecure, to be outrageous and uncontrollable. You’re worth someone that will only compliment your happiness and never control your life or determine your worth.

What I learned- how to get out of debt, how to set goals as a team, how to BE a team mate, how to stop trying to control everything. How to let go… oh ya, did I tell you I’m a type A control freak? In all seriousness, the worries I had as a single mom don’t hurt me anymore and to be honest I’m still coping with that reality. It’s another life not having to live like someone’s gonna take everything away from me if I don’t hold it tightly. Joe brings that security to our family, the feeling of grounding which is so important. I’m super independent but I can finally let that feeling like we could starve or be homeless go. We haven’t struggled like that in years but it’s still hard for me to realize that I’m not struggling any more, I mean I still struggle, but it’s different. We all struggle.

I know that was a lot but I really wanted to share some things and to also tell you that you’re not alone. Take from this BOOK of a post what you need. And if you need to hear that it’ll be okay I promise it will.

Tell me something pivotal in your life and what you learned.