What My Past Relationships Has Taught Me

there’s a fine line between love and hate

It can be really difficult to look back on a relationship with fondness when not enough time has passed for healing or worse, when so much trauma took place within the relationship that you just block the whole thing out all together. I guess we can’t completely compartmentalize our pasts, though it’s definitely a coping mechanism of mine.

I’d like to believe that if you’ve ever loved someone that you’ll always love them in some way… there’s a fine line between love and hate. There’s also a fine line between loving some one and actually being in-love with them. The danger lies with the in-love bit, that’s the doing that we have to work at daily. I’ve been lucky to be in-love enough times to know what love, lust, infatuation, in-love, and ‘out of love’ feels like. I mean, haven’t we all been through the five stages of grief after a break up? Each love of mine has been a part of their own lifetime I swear and I’ve lived many lives. I’m so dramatic.

I wish someone had told me when I was younger that I didn’t know anything about anything. I kind of just went into life thinking I knew everything about everything. Here I am 39, in what I feel in my soul to be the final love story of my life, and there’s a few things I would’ve told younger me.

+ you have to make yourself happy. It’s too much responsibility for one person to make both people in any relationship happy. And also exhausting

+ figure out what your passions are and pursue them at all costs. What keeps someone interested in you is that you have your own shit going on. They found you interesting for a reason, don’t let that person become your reason and then you have nothing left of yourself

+ no one wants to be with someone that tells them they’re incomplete without em. Sure, we all did that in our first relationship(s). When you’re young you get so drunk in love which is such a beautiful thing that I hope never changes, but when you’re not emotionally mature enough or your partner is actually emotionally unavailable, that drunk in-love can turn into ‘too drunk’ toxicity. Instead, complete yourself, save yo self, and compliment your relationship with your own sparkle bc baby you’re sparkly af

+ sometimes things have to fall apart so that everything else can fall together. And we don’t have to know why, we just have to trust that there’s a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Aka wtf is the lesson? Sometimes my lesson was, “great job babe but your choice was legit poor, better luck next time, now let’s get our shit together c’mon girl”

+ breakups suck. Divorce sucks even worse. Walking through Sucksville sucks! But you’ve gotta put one foot in front of the other, walk (or sprint) through it, feel it, heal it, and learn from it. **this took me a long time aka EVERY time to learn this repetitive lesson*

If you’re going through Sucksville, let it suck. Here’s some lyrics from a song I love, “Don’t Give Up on Love” by Kygo and Sam Tinnesz for my younger self and for you if you need it. I got you:

When your heart just shatters, too many pieces to pick it up
You keep finding a way, just to live alone
Nothing to say, staring at your phone
And your life is going numb
Don’t give up on love when it doesn’t work out the first time
Close your eyes and trust that you gotta get low to get high
The world’s full of second chances, you gotta keep on dancing
Don’t give up on love <3

So what are some things you would tell your younger self? Tell me some things you’ve learned from your past relationships 😉