there’s a fine line between love and hate
It can be really difficult to look back on a relationship with fondness when not enough time has passed for healing or worse, when so much trauma took place within the relationship that you just block the whole thing out all together. I guess we can’t completely compartmentalize our pasts, though it’s definitely a coping mechanism of mine.
I’d like to believe that if you’ve ever loved someone that you’ll always love them in some way… there’s a fine line between love and hate. There’s also a fine line between loving some one and actually being in-love with them. The danger lies with the in-love bit, that’s the doing that we have to work at daily. I’ve been lucky to be in-love enough times to know what love, lust, infatuation, in-love, and ‘out of love’ feels like. I mean, haven’t we all been through the five stages of grief after a break up? Each love of mine has been a part of their own lifetime I swear and I’ve lived many lives. I’m so dramatic.
I wish someone had told me when I was younger that I didn’t know anything about anything. I kind of just went into life thinking I knew everything about everything. Here I am 39, in what I feel in my soul to be the final love story of my life, and there’s a few things I would’ve told younger me.
+ you have to make yourself happy. It’s too much responsibility for one person to make both people in any relationship happy. And also exhausting
+ figure out what your passions are and pursue them at all costs. What keeps someone interested in you is that you have your own shit going on. They found you interesting for a reason, don’t let that person become your reason and then you have nothing left of yourself
+ no one wants to be with someone that tells them they’re incomplete without em. Sure, we all did that in our first relationship(s). When you’re young you get so drunk in love which is such a beautiful thing that I hope never changes, but when you’re not emotionally mature enough or your partner is actually emotionally unavailable, that drunk in-love can turn into ‘too drunk’ toxicity. Instead, complete yourself, save yo self, and compliment your relationship with your own sparkle bc baby you’re sparkly af
+ sometimes things have to fall apart so that everything else can fall together. And we don’t have to know why, we just have to trust that there’s a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Aka wtf is the lesson? Sometimes my lesson was, “great job babe but your choice was legit poor, better luck next time, now let’s get our shit together c’mon girl”
+ breakups suck. Divorce sucks even worse. Walking through Sucksville sucks! But you’ve gotta put one foot in front of the other, walk (or sprint) through it, feel it, heal it, and learn from it. **this took me a long time aka EVERY time to learn this repetitive lesson*
If you’re going through Sucksville, let it suck. Here’s some lyrics from a song I love, “Don’t Give Up on Love” by Kygo and Sam Tinnesz for my younger self and for you if you need it. I got you:
When your heart just shatters, too many pieces to pick it up
You keep finding a way, just to live alone
Nothing to say, staring at your phone
And your life is going numb
Don’t give up on love when it doesn’t work out the first time
Close your eyes and trust that you gotta get low to get high
The world’s full of second chances, you gotta keep on dancing
Don’t give up on love <3
So what are some things you would tell your younger self? Tell me some things you’ve learned from your past relationships 😉
Karissa Barcelo says
Jan 2021 at 12:50 pmLove this and you. I can relate. I would tell my younger self theres no way past the storm but through it, and there is great potential for sunshine on the other siDe. You Will be Ok. Sending you love ❤️
Ami says
Jan 2021 at 6:37 pmSee this is why I love you, and follow you. You admit, you learn, your grow, you’re humble through the process, and you are tenacious.
Past relationships for me, I only had two before meeting erin. One was my 1st girlfriend and high school sweetheart, who come to find out was a cheating, egotistical jerk. She tragically passed awAy when we were in college, and it broke me for a long time. The love I had for her was part of me as we had grown up together and were inseperable until the later layers of her unfolded.
I turned the page.
My next relationship, was full on uhaul lesbian style, and though most say was the biggest mistake of my life, it was what made me come completely out of my shell and stop allowing other to abuse me in any way!! The lesson there, was to never let my guard down. Then I met erin.. guard up, afraid, but she made it so easy to fall in like and love with her. Almost 22 years later, it’s still the same, communication, self care, listening, loving, being in love (just as the day we MET.)
We are still learning, finding something about the other every day. In any relationship the lessons we learn are individual, but when you can learn together to make that bond stronger.. you find that being together is worth every single heartache, pain, tear.. but most importantly laughter and love.
Seee I am a novel writer just like you. Lol love it. Keep growing, and remember that if you feel that you are good enough for yourself, other will know your worth. Oh and bless and release. Be love. Xoxooo