The Re-Introduction

by with One Comment communitymom liferelationships

we only let people see what we want them to see

Happy 2021 to you! Since we’re in a new year and a lot has changed, I thought I’d re-introduce myself. I’ll share some fun facts about me and maybe some things you didn’t know and I’d love for you to share some fun facts about you and how we know each other?

New media can be tricky. People think they know you by a flash of your smile or the furrow of your brow, but really we only let people see what we want them to see. If we show them that we’re crazy, they think we’re crazy. If we show them that we’re buttoned up with not a worry in the world, that’s exactly what they think. Well this year I’d like to be more transparent and talk about some things we haven’t talked about in depth before. But I’ll save that deep dive for next time, for now let’s have some fun.

  • <from the beginning> I’m the eldest of 3, I have a younger brother and sister. I’m an 80’s baby and a 90’s kid. When I went to middle school and high school artists like MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, and every girl band and boy band you can imagine were making music videos. Those were the days of MTV, Kids Incorporated, Fraggle Rock, The Smurfs, and 80’s teenage movies. They sure don’t make ’em the way they used to that’s for damn sure
  • <the real stuff> I was a teen mom. At 16 I had my daughter Corrine who is now 23 and thriving. We broke the statistic that says teen parents have children who then become teen parents themselves… buhbyyyeeee! I’m so proud to call her my daughter and even prouder of the independent woman she’s grown into. As for me, I’m still young at heart and I hope that never changes
  • <the not so glamorous real stuff> I got kicked out at 16, re-entered my home just before C was born, got married at 18, divorced at 22, went through an intense almost 6 year custody battle with no lawyer (this was one of the hardest moments of my life), slept in my car with my baby, couch surfed with people who I thought were my friends who used me and stole my furniture (can you tell I’m still not over this?), had my face bruised up by exes and my spirit broken down by many, had my confidence crushed like most people in life, and some how by the grace of God and that lil face looking to ME for how to cope in life … I kept my shit together long enough to get through each day. Honestly, I think I blacked out for like 18 years
  • <the dramatic af love life> I don’t regret any part of my life or any decision I made about love, even if it left me feeling like love was only a thing for romantic novels. My first husband gave me my daughter and I regret nothing. My first girlfriend outside of adolescence gave me a kind of love I’d never experienced. There were other boyfriends and girlfriends before my second husband. He showed me that love doesn’t have to be toxic or volatile and that calmness in a relationship is vital. My current relationship is such a magical mixture of love, passion, presence, calmness, craziness, and stability. I regret nothing
  • <just for funs> I have the greatest friends in all the world. I love tequila. Royal blue is my favorite color. Black, grey, and white make up 99.99% of my closet. I’m a sucker for sweets. I’m selfish. I love being a mom. I love LOVE. I love country music. I love being hyper feminine. I’m addicted to skin care and fragrances. I could eat rice every day of my life and feel complete. I’m Chamorro (my mom was born and raised in Saipan and we have family in Guam. Hafa Adai!) and Irish (my dad has blue eyes and dark hair with the fairest skin). I’m 39 and proud of that more than I was to be 29 … woof what 10 years can teach you. I like try to spend my money on experiences and not fancy hand bags though I really really love those too! I didn’t go to college until I was 26. I love therapy and I believe that mental health is everything. I’m an Aries. I’ve never had any face work done (though that’s not to say it won’t be in my future, I am 39) and my huge knockers are real too… real expensive. I’ll stop there for now

I’m an open book! Email me, DM me, find me and ask me… <3

Tell me some fun facts about you and how you found me. I love knowing where you’re fun and what makes you tick, talk to me.

Thank You, Next

by with 2 Comments personalrantsrelationshipswellness

With each new year I take some time to reflect on the things I’ve done, the places I’ve been, and what I’ve learned. This story is inspired by my friend Karissa. I want to give you a brief history of some significant relationships in my life that I’ve had with women and with men, which were all important to me so here goes.

Also, if this is the first time you’re hearing about me dating women it’s because I don’t go around talking about my love life and generally in life my sexual orientation doesn’t come up. I mean who goes around asking, “So, what you into?”. And two, privacy. But if you ask me I’ll tell you, I fall in love with a person. I don’t see gender I see character, I see integrity, I see love, and I see who I am when I’m with them. I see who they are when they’re with me and I fall in love with a person’s spirit, not their body parts. Though, those are nice too.

FIRST LOVE
Corrine’s father, my first everything. We met in High School, I was 14 and nerdy, he was in my grade, popular and confident. He made me feel seen when I didn’t feel seen in the world at all. Your teenage years are difficult and we navigated those years together. Getting pregnant, getting married, and then getting divorced. I grew up with him but I had a lot of growing up to do.

What he taught me: how to love. At one point in life, we truly loved each other. He taught me a lot about control. Self control and that you can’t control someone else, you have power over yourself and that’s about it. I lost myself in him which was beautiful and terrible. Love is tricky always but especially tricky when you’re not emotionally mature. I’ll forever be grateful to you for Corrine. The very best of the both of us lives in her, thank you for that R.

Song that reminds me of him:  Mariah Carey’s ‘When I Saw You’ came out when we met and I used to play it on repeat and dream about lunch time with him when we wouldn’t actually eat lunch but instead make out for 30 minutes near the cafeteria. Oh young ones.

Favorite memory: He’d drive me to school and we’d blast rap music so loudly (lots of Too Short and Baby Bash) that my ears would ring for the first half of the day and then we’d pass notes to each other during shop class. I still have the first note he ever wrote me. Next,

THE LOVER
my first real girlfriend. I started kissing girls in the 8th grade when I realized I liked them (way to go 12 year old me, live yo life), but this was different. She held my hand in public, she was a young mom like me, and I loved the way she handled herself, very composed. We’d listen to music together and dance around the living room when the kids were in bed and drink whiskey. Thank you for my love of whiskey and singing country music with me L. 

What she taught me: Have fun outside of being a mom, it’s necessary. Make time for the relationships you want to last, relationships take effort and friendships are relationships.

Song that reminds me of her: Pink anything. We listened to Pink all day.

Favorite memory: Diner dates. We’d go to a diner and talk about life over coffee and waffles and whipped cream. Next,

THE MENTOR
we met when ‘cruising’ was cool. He rode motorcycles and was detailed and intelligent. He took care of us in a time when I had nothing and was working two jobs to keep it together while everything was falling apart. He helped me get back on my feet and encouraged me to go to college. He taught me the true meaning of being independent. I traveled, went out with friends, and found my passions again because he gave me the freedom to. I’ll forever love motorcycles, fast cars, and my boobs, thank you G. 

What he taught me: How to be aware of my surroundings, be a more defensive driver, P.O. Boxes forever, and to stand up for myself. He was in law enforcement so being paranoid in a good way was good. Still is. I always have an ‘out’ no matter where in public I go.

Song that reminds me of him: ‘Nobody’ by Keith Sweat

Favorite memory: late night motorcycle rides through the canyons. He’d wake me up in the middle of the night to hike me around windy roads with cool breezes and star chasing. Next,

THE NURSE
we met in college. She was in my 6am English class and wore a hoodie like nobody’s business. Her makeup was dark and in private moments she was sweet and laughed easily. She was driven. She wanted to be a nurse and the first in her family to get a degree. And she did it. I helped her get out of an abusive relationship and she helped me realize my love for taking care of and helping others. She was selfless and fiery. You always called me out on my shit and made me feel safe to talk about things that hurt, thank you for that M. 

What she taught me: you must first be able to count on yourself before you can count on anyone else. Never break promises to yourself. That my intuition is always right. And that letting go is a good thing.

Song that reminds me of her: The Pussycat Dolls ‘Watcha Think About That’

Favorite memory: She’d walk me to my Psych class on Tuesdays and Thursdays before she had to go into work and we’d just stroll around campus with breakfast burritos and hot cheetos talking about everything and nothing. She always smelled amazing. Next,

THE WIFE
we met when I was married to my first husband. We were just friends then and remained friends after my divorce, always following one another’s lives and supporting each other. Our friendship turned into something more years later and I was in love with her in such a way, we even talked about marriage. She was smart, witty and SO funny! She was never embarrassed to show me affection in public and we remained friends after our breakup and still follow one another’s lives and support each other. You were my first real girlfriend long before you were my real girlfriend. Thank you G. 

What she taught me: To be beautiful it just takes a genuine smile, some heart, and some silliness.

Song that reminds me of her: We listened to the 90’s a lot together, that whole era brings back great memories.

Favorite memory: one of the first memories I have with her was being in a car and feeling frazzled for some reason. I was still married then. She knelt down and looked at me in my eyes, she touched my arm in a serious but tender way and said, “it’s going to be okay, you’re strong and you have friends and I’m one of them.”
_______________________________________________________________________________

So there it is. Do you like stories like this? Let me know in the comments <3 Revisiting each of the loves of my life through this short-not-so-short-story really allowed me to look at each of them with gratitude. So your turn, thank you Karissa for this! Here’s the template she gave me:

One word to sum up your significant other:
A brief description of your relationship (focus on gratitude):
Lessons you learned:
Song that reminds you of them:
Favorite memory:

I hope you do this, it’s so interesting to me what loves make up our past and present. They’re all so significant if you really think about it. And not from a negative space but to focus on gratitude as she suggests. I actually teared up writing this! Your turn!

 

 

MY TRUTHS ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

by with 3 Comments adventureDIYfamilyparty planningrelationshipswedding planning

Let me preface this with ‘my’ truths, ha, thought I should put that out there! So I recently wrote an article about the conscious choices we make in regards to what we do and don’t share publicly about our lives. Much of our audience has watched Joe and my relationship grow, but from a distance as we’ve been very private about it. Well on Christmas Eve Joe proposed to me in front of his entire family and I ugly cried through it y’all. It’s been 5 1/2 years and I think we’re finally ready to open up about our future plans, why we haven’t been so open until now, and what we think about sharing your life with the internet.

People are either all for marriage or all opposed, or so I’ve been hearing, and today I’ll explore both sides of it. Personally however, I was somewhere in the middle, yes leaning more towards the “if you’re a bird I’m a bird” mentality, I mean I’m a hopeful romantic. But I’m also the girl who’s been married before so I’ve got issues with marriage whether you see them or not. When I was 18 I married Corrine’s father. That didn’t last forever and I’m a “make it work no matter what, marriage is forever” kind of person, so that was ouchy. After the dust settled though, I knew that eventually I did want to get married again. If the right man came along and changed my mind about this forever business I’d do it, besides, I’m a hopeful romantic remember? Regardless of my feelings, I also didn’t want us to feel pressured into getting married just because it was the ‘next step to take’, even IF I’ve wanted to marry Joe since our 1st date! *more on that soon*

So many people get married for the wrong reasons. You reach a certain age or you date someone for a certain amount of time, and all the sudden everyone and their mother wants to know when are you finally going to tie the knot- especially your own mother. Don’t get me wrong, marriage can be AMAZING, but the pressure to do so is not so amazing.

Here’s the ‘opposed’ side of me. There are people who get married because they think they have to, it’s all that’s left to do… shit or get off the pot kind of thing, or the ‘oh crap we’re pregnant’ kind of deal. There are also those kinds of people who marry for opportunity and those situations are too heated for me to touch on in just one post, so I’ll save it. Then there’s those who do it because they want that huge wedding that is for everyone ELSE except for them. So firstly, shout outs to all my happy couples out there wed or not wed, and secondly, through all the BS and past mistakes I’ve made myself, I wanted to get married because I’d finally found my person, who is my life partner, best teammate, biggest cheerleader, and ride-or-die best friend when we have it all or nothing left. You sure do learn a lot when you get it wrong the first time. If you can’t be best friends with your partner, what do you have after the buzz from the wedding planning and honey mooning settles off?

With my first marriage I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I needed to grow up (a crap ton), that I was co-dependent (a crap ton), and that I had ZERO clue about who I was or what I wanted outside of this other person (#baggage). Mind you, I had a little human looking up to me for life coping skills, all the while- I myself was trying to learn how to navigate through life.

Here’s the ‘all for’ marriage side of me. Today looking to the future, I can confidently say (17 years later whew) that I love the person I’ve become, I love the man I’m with, and I love how healthy our relationship is. No relationship is perfect, but I think we work because I’m the hot head and he’s the calm and logical one. I’m the loud mouth and he’s there to shut me up when I irrationally roid out. I can get down with marrying that! Also, when he’s having a crap day I can be the rock for him too, and lastly, (and this is a big one) we’re not allowed to go crazy at the same time! Rock Paper Scissors for that if you have to! Life is too short to fight and it’s also too short to be with someone you really don’t like as a person.

So if I could share with you one thing about being in a relationship; not just being engaged or getting married, but being in a healthy relationship- it’s that the only person you can control is you. No one will ever change just because you want them to, and when you aren’t a whole person (we all have baggage don’t we now) you can’t expect someone else to fill that void. Marriage is a big deal and it should be the happiest of moments, not a forced or uncertain one. Lets be real though, I’ve been putting the pressure on Joe for like 5 years! When ya know ya just know!

This post somehow turned into a self-help for the emotionally-unavailable/ rant on love, but the point is that your relationship and your kind of love, is nobody else’s to judge or weigh in on. So you do you and don’t let marriage posts (like this- oh it’s about to get lovey) or FaceBook updates, make you feel like you aren’t a cool kid or hurried into doing something that you aren’t ready for. Also the point of this post was to share with you that we’re ready to share! The pressure of having a big wedding is big (I write these for me too), but we’re going to do it our way and I can’t wait to show you!

We’ll be answering questions on my YouTube channel about our wedding plans soon! I’ll also be creating posts for you here along the way in reference to my DIY happenings, or mishaps you be the judge, and posting my tips on how to stay sane because planning a wedding can be a BIT overwhelming! So until then, here are some photos we had taken while we were in Yosemite last weekend. Pre-engagement photos if you will, that we did spontaneously with our new friend Karl who just so happens to be an uber talented photographer! Thank you Karl for hiking up hills with us during the blizzard! Ha! You guys can check out his work here and give him a follow on Instagram!

Just before the moment pictured above, I fell into a 3 foot pile of snow and then jumped out of it to have that photo taken <3

Awww, just a couple of love birds in a snow storm. That is the metaphor for our life!

I hope you’ve enjoyed this rant of mine about love and my thoughts on marriage and unity. My heart is full and I feel content in my life for the first time in my life, and I’ve been here before, in this marriage place. So if you’re going through hell, keep on moving. *thank you dear country song for that one*

Boy oh boy is writing therapeutic!

SO, is marriage something you’re for or against? If you’re currently married, what’s one secret you can share with other couples? If you’re neutral on the subject, what do you think the hubbub is all about, this whole woohoo we’re getting marries stuff! I got all deep about the pressure of it all, so lets hear it!

I’ll see you later this week with my first wedding “Pinterest DIY-not” post! Oh Lordy, here we go! Wheeeee!!! PS if you’re a bird I’m a bird. Whew that was a wordy one.