Let me preface this with ‘my’ truths, ha, thought I should put that out there! So I recently wrote an article about the conscious choices we make in regards to what we do and don’t share publicly about our lives. Much of our audience has watched Joe and my relationship grow, but from a distance as we’ve been very private about it. Well on Christmas Eve Joe proposed to me in front of his entire family and I ugly cried through it y’all. It’s been 5 1/2 years and I think we’re finally ready to open up about our future plans, why we haven’t been so open until now, and what we think about sharing your life with the internet.
People are either all for marriage or all opposed, or so I’ve been hearing, and today I’ll explore both sides of it. Personally however, I was somewhere in the middle, yes leaning more towards the “if you’re a bird I’m a bird” mentality, I mean I’m a hopeful romantic. But I’m also the girl who’s been married before so I’ve got issues with marriage whether you see them or not. When I was 18 I married Corrine’s father. That didn’t last forever and I’m a “make it work no matter what, marriage is forever” kind of person, so that was ouchy. After the dust settled though, I knew that eventually I did want to get married again. If the right man came along and changed my mind about this forever business I’d do it, besides, I’m a hopeful romantic remember? Regardless of my feelings, I also didn’t want us to feel pressured into getting married just because it was the ‘next step to take’, even IF I’ve wanted to marry Joe since our 1st date! *more on that soon*
So many people get married for the wrong reasons. You reach a certain age or you date someone for a certain amount of time, and all the sudden everyone and their mother wants to know when are you finally going to tie the knot- especially your own mother. Don’t get me wrong, marriage can be AMAZING, but the pressure to do so is not so amazing.
Here’s the ‘opposed’ side of me. There are people who get married because they think they have to, it’s all that’s left to do… shit or get off the pot kind of thing, or the ‘oh crap we’re pregnant’ kind of deal. There are also those kinds of people who marry for opportunity and those situations are too heated for me to touch on in just one post, so I’ll save it. Then there’s those who do it because they want that huge wedding that is for everyone ELSE except for them. So firstly, shout outs to all my happy couples out there wed or not wed, and secondly, through all the BS and past mistakes I’ve made myself, I wanted to get married because I’d finally found my person, who is my life partner, best teammate, biggest cheerleader, and ride-or-die best friend when we have it all or nothing left. You sure do learn a lot when you get it wrong the first time. If you can’t be best friends with your partner, what do you have after the buzz from the wedding planning and honey mooning settles off?
With my first marriage I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I needed to grow up (a crap ton), that I was co-dependent (a crap ton), and that I had ZERO clue about who I was or what I wanted outside of this other person (#baggage). Mind you, I had a little human looking up to me for life coping skills, all the while- I myself was trying to learn how to navigate through life.
Here’s the ‘all for’ marriage side of me. Today looking to the future, I can confidently say (17 years later whew) that I love the person I’ve become, I love the man I’m with, and I love how healthy our relationship is. No relationship is perfect, but I think we work because I’m the hot head and he’s the calm and logical one. I’m the loud mouth and he’s there to shut me up when I irrationally roid out. I can get down with marrying that! Also, when he’s having a crap day I can be the rock for him too, and lastly, (and this is a big one) we’re not allowed to go crazy at the same time! Rock Paper Scissors for that if you have to! Life is too short to fight and it’s also too short to be with someone you really don’t like as a person.
So if I could share with you one thing about being in a relationship; not just being engaged or getting married, but being in a healthy relationship- it’s that the only person you can control is you. No one will ever change just because you want them to, and when you aren’t a whole person (we all have baggage don’t we now) you can’t expect someone else to fill that void. Marriage is a big deal and it should be the happiest of moments, not a forced or uncertain one. Lets be real though, I’ve been putting the pressure on Joe for like 5 years! When ya know ya just know!
This post somehow turned into a self-help for the emotionally-unavailable/ rant on love, but the point is that your relationship and your kind of love, is nobody else’s to judge or weigh in on. So you do you and don’t let marriage posts (like this- oh it’s about to get lovey) or FaceBook updates, make you feel like you aren’t a cool kid or hurried into doing something that you aren’t ready for. Also the point of this post was to share with you that we’re ready to share! The pressure of having a big wedding is big (I write these for me too), but we’re going to do it our way and I can’t wait to show you!
We’ll be answering questions on my YouTube channel about our wedding plans soon! I’ll also be creating posts for you here along the way in reference to my DIY happenings, or mishaps you be the judge, and posting my tips on how to stay sane because planning a wedding can be a BIT overwhelming! So until then, here are some photos we had taken while we were in Yosemite last weekend. Pre-engagement photos if you will, that we did spontaneously with our new friend Karl who just so happens to be an uber talented photographer! Thank you Karl for hiking up hills with us during the blizzard! Ha! You guys can check out his work here and give him a follow on Instagram!
Just before the moment pictured above, I fell into a 3 foot pile of snow and then jumped out of it to have that photo taken <3
Awww, just a couple of love birds in a snow storm. That is the metaphor for our life!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this rant of mine about love and my thoughts on marriage and unity. My heart is full and I feel content in my life for the first time in my life, and I’ve been here before, in this marriage place. So if you’re going through hell, keep on moving. *thank you dear country song for that one*
Boy oh boy is writing therapeutic!
SO, is marriage something you’re for or against? If you’re currently married, what’s one secret you can share with other couples? If you’re neutral on the subject, what do you think the hubbub is all about, this whole woohoo we’re getting marries stuff! I got all deep about the pressure of it all, so lets hear it!
I’ll see you later this week with my first wedding “Pinterest DIY-not” post! Oh Lordy, here we go! Wheeeee!!! PS if you’re a bird I’m a bird. Whew that was a wordy one.