I was 16 and Pregnant. I have always been very guarded with what I share with the world and what I keep private for our little family but its time to tell some of my story. It’s a fine line to walk when you’re an online personality and you’re so open about your life. People almost expect you to divulge information that you wouldn’t otherwise share unless you knew them personally, but that just goes to show how much we openly share with our audiences. So I can’t be mad about it.
I’ve found though, that the things I like to share with people, help me to like those things too. Things that I dislike very much and that are hard to talk about like abusive relationships, toxic people, and what it was like being a teen mom. Not that being a teen mom was something I disliked, but it was something that was really hard for me, it still is.
Some things you probably already know are that I’m a single mom, and that I was a teen mom. I had my daughter Corrine when I was 16 years old and she’s 18 now. She just started college this month, and last year she graduated from high school AND started her first job in the ‘real working world’. That was a lot for this mama bear over here to manage. Having my lil baby cub all out in the world being a responsible human and not being under my watchful and protective eye 24-7-365 is really hard.
Corrine and I are very close. We’re best friends, we grew up together, and I don’t know my life without her, I was 16. This isn’t me being dramatic like, ‘oh my baby is moving to another country woe is me’, but it is me sharing my anxiety over her moving out of the house. Even if that time isn’t in the near future. Like, what is my life without her *okay, THAT is me being dramatic*.
It’s crazy for me to reflect on her childhood because I was so young myself, I mean, how did they let me leave the hospital with that little baby?! It feels like a big huge blur to me. At that time I wasn’t doing it all on my own though, I had my family, I had her father’s family, and he and I were ok back then. Things change and we are where we are now. Perhaps one day I will talk about those things and what my life was like back then, but today I’ll talk about where I’m at today.
When I say that I don’t know what it’s like to be without Corrine I’m talking in daily life, in our day to day, routine life. Because in a way, we did grow up together … I’ve spent the last 18 years with her and it was far before I was even 18 myself. It was like an older sister raising a younger sister. We are so similar yet so different, but she amazes me every day. She sits on my lap at brunches, we hold hands in the street, she’s still my baby. Well now my baby is in college, yes a local one, but not for long. She wants to transfer to a University which won’t be any where near Los Angeles. *takes a moment to process that* So for me, I think to myself (and aloud, lets be real), “ok I can totally move to wherever she goes!” But how unrealistic is that?!
Joe is incredible and he’s been so amazing, from day ONE. He met us when she was 12 and he’s really stepped in to be that positive, loving, father figure in her life. Oh, and he would totally pick up and move with me, we’re both nomads like that. But I can’t follow my child all around the world … at least I’m sure she wouldn’t want me to. I don’t want to become that over-bearing-stalker-status mom because no one likes the over-bearing-stalker-status mom.
So therein lies my problem- I’m an overly attached parent who feels pretty freaking lonely at the thought of her daughter moving away. So what’s a girl to do? Well, I have to remember that just because I’m a mom doesn’t mean that that’s the only hat I wear. Though, it IS my most favorite hat and I’m really good at wearing the hat!!! *breathing* I have to remember that I’m a whole other person with hobbies and an identity all on my own completely separate from the ‘mom label’. Yes I’m a mom but I’m also Jess.
Jess is adventurous, loves to travel, and is getting married this year! *why am I referring to myself in the 3rd person, see I’m losing it already* I think I will get back to that part of myself this year, back to being creative on a different level, back to traveling a bit more, and back to being me without attaching myself to everything Corrine does. She needs space to grow and make her own mistakes, ugh can’t even believe I just said that.
So to all my parents out there, it isn’t healthy to identify ourselves only as parents and it isn’t healthy to just stalk our children. It’s a grey area for me about the stalking part though, not gonna lie, I’m obsessed with the kid! But as much as I’d like to be THAT mom, I won’t be that mom. I will however, be keeping busy doing other things. So keep busy! I have a wedding to plan this year, but bet your butt I’ll be stalking her every step of the way- dropping in to make her bed and cook her dinner! We also have to remember that it’s also a difficult transition for them too.
Our babies are forever our babies, and it’s ok to hold on to that. I know I will!
So tell me, if you’re a parent, are you going through this? Are your babies younger but this is something you think about? If you are going through this, help me out and give me some new hobbies to explore! If you aren’t a parent but your parents are going through this kind of thing, what as parents can we do to make the transition an easier one for you? And for us 😉
Thank you for reading this post, it’s nice to open up about things that people assume you’re navigating just fine with on your own. I’m open to your suggestions so type away, and if you have a little one at home, hug them extra! PS I talk like she’s moving out tomorrow, but it is something that we discuss all of the time- her moving out and where she’ll go. So I know it’s just me freaking out, I’m prone to freak outs. I still have some time to baby her and make her breakfast in the mornings, and I still have time to be the crazy yet, “I’m a cool mom” mom.
Here’s a video Corrine and I did in September and we’ll be recording a “How to survive college” video together soon! So stay tuned for that! I will be less overbearing with each passing post I promise!