Oh man, starting today off with a big question for myself and feeling cheesy about it … insert my favorite emoji here which is the cute lil monkey covering it’s face … it me! Confidence, what is it to me, and is it on sale at Trader Joe’s. Without being too woo woo here, defining confidence and then trying to tap into that and emit it in a way that is so bright and sparkly that no one can take it away, well that’s been a thing.
I think that confidence is a state of mind and I think people like to box me in. They put me into this box of what they think they know I am and then they’re surprised when I’m not that. Am I the only one, or do you think that’s true of you where people assume you’re one thing but really you’re many things? I can see sometimes that people think I’m bright and bubbly all the time, I mean I try to be, I love being a bright ass Lite-Brite (remember those?) but I’m human and I have crap days too. And I have things happen to me that hurt me and let me down too, and then some days things that’ve happened to me in the past sneak up on me and say HELLO YOU CAN’T IGNORE ME ANYMORE. Then I either one, get really great with my forcefield shield, or two I’ll stare it in the face and ask it what it wants. But I think people really think I don’t have bad days because I don’t talk about them, maybe I should start and share my coping skills. If it helps you to get push through the rough stuff, here it is.
Sometimes I feel like I’m my own therapist but really we all need a lil therapy so. Confidence is also a form of coping I think, we all cope with some deep rooted stuff that can really affect us whether or not we understand how damaged we are from our pasts or whatever is happening in our lives. And what gets me through is what I say to myself in my head (and sometimes out loud) which is that, no matter how tough it may be at that moment, 1) I’ve been through worse 2) the sun will come up tomorrow and be bright and shiny and saturate the world with all its happiness whether I like it or not and 3) I’m the only one who actually gets to decide what my life is. If it’s good it’s because I make it good, if it sucks ass it’s because I allow it to suck ass and I’m content with mediocre. And some days, honestly, I’m content with mediocre. Some days ya just gotta feeeel. Most days though, nope and nope.
If you see me smiling when I don’t want to smile it’s because I don’t like feeling sad and I feel sad a lot, it’s normal. That feeling can rush me out of no where and for no reason. Umm hello universe, can you take that energy and put it somewhere else, I’m down with The Secret so why the resistance. Sometimes I play in the mud but most days I swim in it just long enough to realize what it is that’s bothering me and why. Like is it an emotion or a thought, or is it a thought that I turned into an emotion? Most days after swimming in the muck though, it feels heavy, it weighs me down, and it’s just mooky… so I wash that shit off, smile because I can, and then I do a lil self care to change my attitude. Honestly, some days my chest feels so heavy with anxiety that it hurts to breathe, but it’s a reminder that I’m breathing, and if there’s breath left in my body I’ll fight because I’m a fucking fighter. And so are you.
I know I can get all woo woo on you but it helps me to share how I cope, it helps me to be transparent about emotions and seasons in life because that’s real to me and baby if it doesn’t feel real I don’t want it. That’s some kind of country song I just know it. If you know the song leave it below so I can give it another listen 😉
P.S. self care, therapy, medication, detoxing, all good things if you need it. And only you know what you need, don’t let society shame you for taking care of you. If you can’t take care of you then you can’t help take care of someone else and my number one secret to being Corrine’s mom is that I stay sane at all times. Sometimes that means I pop on here and ramble and sometimes that means I pop a bottle of champs and cheers my damn self.
You feel me on any of this? I think I moved away from confidence a bit, but again it’s a head space for me. Tell me about you.