A love letter to my body

by with No Comment personal

What I need right now is a moment to be soft to myself, an act of self-preservation and self-care. What I need right now is to write a lil love letter to myself.

Dear body, 

Have I told you lately that I love you? I’m actually singing this to you in my best Rod Stewart voice because I know it took almost my entire adult life to finally tell you that I love you back.

and i said to my body. softly. ‘i want to be your friend.’ it took a long breath. and replied ‘i have been waiting my whole life for this. ― Nayyirah Waheed

I actually read this quote on Instagram and started crying and Corrine looked at me like I’d fallen off my rocker. I don’t know why it took me so long to be kinder to you. Actually, yes I do. 

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I lived my teen years in the 90’s (sup 80’s babies) and we had Naomi Campbell, Kate Moss, Cindy Crawford and others all over the media and they were all VERY beautiful… and VERY thin. I remember going to a modeling school in San Francisco when I was fourteen and we were told 1) that must we shave our legs from our ankles to our hips and 2) we were ‘supposed’ to have three triangles on our legs if we wanted to pursue anything other than print work. 

A triangle to shape your thighs, a triangle to shape your knees, and a triangle to shape your calves. We all know what a triangle looks like so it seemed very odd to tell young adolescents that any part of their body look like a geometric shape. Even our heads aren’t perfectly circular! And by the way, a triangle seems inaccurate, did they mean an upside down triangle? Even so, I can’t compute. And while we’re here, I’m 4’10 and a half which means I was not pursuing anything other than print work anyway. 

I want to also note that the desired waist measurement during my time at that school was 23 inches. TWENTY THREE. Ummm wuuut?! One, I haven’t had a thigh gap since I was four years old so there goes the triangle equation and two, the only 23 I can comprehend as being personally relatable to me is- that one time in life when I was 23 years old. Oh and this year on November 3rd, my daughter will turn 23. P.S. this is not me shaming those who have 23 inch waists, this is me saying you should never tell an insecure person (esp an insecure young person) that they must be a certain size to qualify.

So dear body of mine, I do understand why I wasn’t so nice to you. You were trying to protect me by holding onto vital fat so that I could grow, carry life, support my organs, and be healthy. It’s not your fault that I didn’t see girls with my body type represented on television until Jennifer Lopez on, In Living Color as a “Fly Girl”. P.S. do you remember that show? Helllloooo I’ve been trying to build a booty ever since. I know voluptuous and strong women were represented before 1990 but that’s the first time I can remember seeing a body that I related to. 

The thing is, I’m Islander and that means I’m genetically engineered to climb coconut trees, run from brown tree snakes in Saipan (I hail from this island and you should Google the snake part, it’s gnarly), hula dance for hours, and build a bajillion island babies.. oh and the huts for them too. There is and always will be very soft yet strong (and some not so strong tbh) bits on my body. My arms and my legs have been described by ‘societal beauty standards’ to be “thick”. Who came up with that by the way. I mean, I’ll take it- thick is sturdy, thick is something to hold onto, and thick is reliable… if I take my phone into the bathroom with me and then I accidentally drop my phone… bet your ass my thick thighs will save the day. So I’ll try this again. 

———–

Dear body, I love you. I will tell you and show you more often how much I appreciate you. I am curvy, I am strong, I am fast, I am sturdy, I have stamina, and I have stretch marks. I love my body. All of it. Don’t even get me started on all the other things I love about myself. I’d actually love to write another love letter to the rest of my self. Like my brain.. whew she’s so big and brainy! 

Please tell me something about yourself that you love. If you haven’t heard it lately, you are okay and everything will be okay <333

Let’s Be Clear

by with No Comment fitnessmental healthmommy diariespersonalrantswellness

I used to resent being referred to as an “influencer”. Bleh- you want to group me in with people who create these unrealistic lifestyles and never show the real life that takes place behind all of their picture perfect social media squares? No thanks! But then I thought about it, leaders influence people and we’re all leaders in our way right? P.S. don’t come for my throat, I’m not saying all influencers do this, I’m referring to the people out there who are real ‘influencer buttholes’, you know the ones.

Because I realized that we can choose what we influence and how, and we can choose to not influence at all, even. But to have the “capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone”… wow, well that seems like a big responsibility to me. And honestly, some days I choose not to go too deep and just post about my burrito and some days I choose to go there. Like today. If what we’ve been through in life and how we’ve coped can help even ONE person, wouldn’t we want to influence in that way?

you’re not f*cking it all up and whatever you’re doing, you’re doing just great

I would’ve really loved to have that when Corrine was little. For someone tell me that I’m not f*ucking it all up, that we’d make it out a-okay, that my best was in fact enough, and that I birthed a baby and stretch marks ARE sexy! Holy hell can you imagine what that would’ve done for my confidence as a single mother and my self esteem as a person?

This was wayyy before Instagram , Facebook, and all the other social media platforms that exist today ever existed. So if I had a hard time adulting before all this (still do sometimes tbh) then I know that what our kids and these impressionable young minds (adult minds too c’mon now) are feeling and how it can weigh heavily on their mental health. I have an almost 22 year old daughter and to teach her to think outside of social media is a pain in the ass, and also a lesson I had to learn. PS I still have to remind myself of that, I have my days, trust.

Comparison is the thief of joy- Theodore Roosevelt

Every image… every.single.image. *claps hands, you know she means business* that is published in magazines, on billboards, etc. is retouched. I already knew that but a few of my friends have highlighted a page on Instagram called @beauty.false and others, where Real Life vs Instagram is showcased side by side. You guysssss, it’s pretty crazy what we see on social media versus real life… and hey I get it, I love a good filter! But I use VSCO to enhance the brightness not the booty. Let’s be clear, I love bright whites and shadows and light flares and bumping up saturation…but I’m not going to bump up my booty just to fit into these ‘new norms’ I’ve been seeing. Have you seen this? Where tiny women make their waists even tinier and where they make their asses look like a science experiment? To each their own, this is not a dig, but if you’re out there with an audience and you have a voice on any platform, and you’re not sharing your truths (should you choose to be an ‘influencer’, don’t @ me), then what the fuck are you doing?

it took me 0.5 seconds to cinch my waist and fill out my hip dips

I mean, I’m a fitness coach who loves food, drinks tequila, hulks out at the gym, and has hip dips, stretch marks, and cellulite. GASP! Now, will I post what I feel is a ‘bad’ photo of myself to Instagram? Probs not, but I will be honest about how bomb lighting, a flex, or a filter will make me feel like a GD supermodel. Oh man, I’ll go into the pressures of the industry on another day, but this topic really fires me up. I personally unfollow, delete, mute, block, whatever I gotta do to not have the BS of IG creepin’ on my inner dialogue. If I’m not interested in someone’s actual life or don’t talk to them IRL than I don’t feel bad doing that and you shouldn’t either. They’re the images and messages that will fill our personal space on the daily. I need to follow more cute animal accounts! Don’t we all <3

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this, I kind of went on a tangent (no surprise) so please tell me how you feel about social media. How do you feel about influencers, are you one? Do you feel the pressure to be authentic or inauthentic? Do you think about the content you see in your feed or do you mindlessly scroll for entertainment? I’m guilty of consuming IG in both ways…hello slime vids at 3am <3

this photo got so much praise which I’m grateful for because I do LOVE my body, but also: lighting, filter, flex baby <3