Authenticity And Accessibility

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Don’t trade your authenticity for approval – hello October 

The topic of oversharing and toxicity has come up a lot lately in my personal conversations and it’s something I don’t think we openly talk about enough. I do recall drafting up an entire Ted Talk about Instagram and how affected we all are, leaving that for you here so you can come back to it. Pssst, enjoy a stiff drink while you read it 😉

So a lil back story on how oversharing went from being just for funs and turned into my full time job. I launched my YouTube channel back in 2010, began writing for my blog shortly after, hosted different shows, got on every social media platform, and taught myself how to edit-ish. So after about five years of scripting, blogging, filming and figuring it out I began working with brands. I collaborated with them for free at first (hey, we gotta start somewhere), then set rates, created a one-sheet … la la la, here we are at present day and the grind of that side of things still makes up 90% of my income.

And even though so many things evolved and I learned so much through trial and error, the judgements and comparisons never ceased. Eleven years of figuring it out, I can feel the word vomit coming up…

I just wanna say, I love my job. I want to say that before the word vomit makes its way out and it reads otherwise. I love that I get to work with brands I support, travel with my loved ones, and talk about whatever the hell I want… mostly. But what I don’t love, where my frustration lies, is with social media. That part can be a real shit show and I haven’t completely learned how to navigate the politics of it gracefully. I know that we take from it what we make of it, but at some point anything that pays you to do the thing, becomes the job. And it’s not always my job to be real about things, hence I’ve passed on many ‘a brand deals. The reality is that creative blocks come often, people pass judgments on the parts of your life you share, and those things become gospel… people really think THAT is your whole life. We get boxed in and sometimes the box is pretty and shiny when sometimes your box is actually tattered, a lil rough around the edges, and has been kicked around a few times.

Ah the love of the Likes! Again, read up on my Ted Talk I referenced earlier for more on this, but I have learned that people see you do ONE thing and it’s ALL they want from you. For me, it’s beauty stuff like videos and tutorials, it’s Corrine and my story about how I was a single teen mom, and it’s fitness. When I divert from those expectations and share my love life or my mooky days people are quick to unfollow. It’s super suspect and feels gross when people leave but honestly it’s better than some of the crude remarks left behind in their place. Aside from being boxed in, the mob mentality of the internet, and cancel culture, what cuts deeper and feels more personal to me is the competitiveness of it all. I want to level up just like everyone else, but not at the expense of belittling anyone. Being dismissive is detrimental.

people want you to succeed they just don’t want you to be more successful than them

I’ve heard that quote before and I really want it to be untrue. I do belive there’s room for everyone at the top and that no one does it alone. I mean, we’ve all had help getting to where we are today. A mentor, a team, a partnership, a lucky break, some good timing, and a whole lot of hard fuggen work. I like to think that we do it better together so it’s strange to me when people are unsupportive… so where’s the balance between being authentic by speaking our personal truths and the desire for accessibility from the rest of the world? It can feel confusing and despy to post post post but not know why.

That is the reason I share so much of my life publicly, because there is SO much more to our lives that no one sees. Granted, it’s up to us to determine what we talk about and what we choose to keep close, but for me- my love life, my highs and lows, the real shit we should be talking about, that’s the kind of stuff I want to see and refuse to stop sharing. 

I look at it like we’re all creating tribes and the more I know about your real life the more I’m invested in your real life. Am I alone in that feeling? To cultivate communities of support and inclusivity and tryyyy not to compare our lives to anyone else’s… well damn, that’s a hard one I know but I’m trying. I have to remind myself that young minds are impressionable (as are not so young ones), and that IG is the highlight reel, it’s life all cleaned up and presentable. Imagine what it would look like if we posted our crummy days, crying melt downs, frustrations, fiery love stories, and real life traumas. I guess that’s why I started blogging in the first place <3

If sharing your life on a public platform is part of your job (i.e. you’re in sales bc you’re a real estate agent, fitness professional, actor, producer, restaurant owner or the like) how do you manage? How do you navigate? Did any of this land on you or is this specific to the “influencer world”. Oh how that word has gotten me into some trouble ha!

A love letter to my body

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What I need right now is a moment to be soft to myself, an act of self-preservation and self-care. What I need right now is to write a lil love letter to myself.

Dear body, 

Have I told you lately that I love you? I’m actually singing this to you in my best Rod Stewart voice because I know it took almost my entire adult life to finally tell you that I love you back.

and i said to my body. softly. ‘i want to be your friend.’ it took a long breath. and replied ‘i have been waiting my whole life for this. ― Nayyirah Waheed

I actually read this quote on Instagram and started crying and Corrine looked at me like I’d fallen off my rocker. I don’t know why it took me so long to be kinder to you. Actually, yes I do. 

———–

I lived my teen years in the 90’s (sup 80’s babies) and we had Naomi Campbell, Kate Moss, Cindy Crawford and others all over the media and they were all VERY beautiful… and VERY thin. I remember going to a modeling school in San Francisco when I was fourteen and we were told 1) that must we shave our legs from our ankles to our hips and 2) we were ‘supposed’ to have three triangles on our legs if we wanted to pursue anything other than print work. 

A triangle to shape your thighs, a triangle to shape your knees, and a triangle to shape your calves. We all know what a triangle looks like so it seemed very odd to tell young adolescents that any part of their body look like a geometric shape. Even our heads aren’t perfectly circular! And by the way, a triangle seems inaccurate, did they mean an upside down triangle? Even so, I can’t compute. And while we’re here, I’m 4’10 and a half which means I was not pursuing anything other than print work anyway. 

I want to also note that the desired waist measurement during my time at that school was 23 inches. TWENTY THREE. Ummm wuuut?! One, I haven’t had a thigh gap since I was four years old so there goes the triangle equation and two, the only 23 I can comprehend as being personally relatable to me is- that one time in life when I was 23 years old. Oh and this year on November 3rd, my daughter will turn 23. P.S. this is not me shaming those who have 23 inch waists, this is me saying you should never tell an insecure person (esp an insecure young person) that they must be a certain size to qualify.

So dear body of mine, I do understand why I wasn’t so nice to you. You were trying to protect me by holding onto vital fat so that I could grow, carry life, support my organs, and be healthy. It’s not your fault that I didn’t see girls with my body type represented on television until Jennifer Lopez on, In Living Color as a “Fly Girl”. P.S. do you remember that show? Helllloooo I’ve been trying to build a booty ever since. I know voluptuous and strong women were represented before 1990 but that’s the first time I can remember seeing a body that I related to. 

The thing is, I’m Islander and that means I’m genetically engineered to climb coconut trees, run from brown tree snakes in Saipan (I hail from this island and you should Google the snake part, it’s gnarly), hula dance for hours, and build a bajillion island babies.. oh and the huts for them too. There is and always will be very soft yet strong (and some not so strong tbh) bits on my body. My arms and my legs have been described by ‘societal beauty standards’ to be “thick”. Who came up with that by the way. I mean, I’ll take it- thick is sturdy, thick is something to hold onto, and thick is reliable… if I take my phone into the bathroom with me and then I accidentally drop my phone… bet your ass my thick thighs will save the day. So I’ll try this again. 

———–

Dear body, I love you. I will tell you and show you more often how much I appreciate you. I am curvy, I am strong, I am fast, I am sturdy, I have stamina, and I have stretch marks. I love my body. All of it. Don’t even get me started on all the other things I love about myself. I’d actually love to write another love letter to the rest of my self. Like my brain.. whew she’s so big and brainy! 

Please tell me something about yourself that you love. If you haven’t heard it lately, you are okay and everything will be okay <333

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Divorce sucks.

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I want out

I believe it takes a lot of courage to say to your partner that things aren’t working out in a marriage and that they’re actually irreconcilable. It takes a lot of courage and sometimes a lot of therapy to say, “I want out”, and to actually follow through with it. No one will ever know just how badly divorce sucks unless they’ve been through it themselves.

Everyone loses in a divorce scenario because life isn’t always like it is in the movies with its happily ever afters. In this scenario everyone gets hurt. It’s one of the hardest, most saddest, and scariest decisions to make. You lose your partner, you lose their family (holy shit this hurt big), you lose friends, you lose a home… everyone loses. So why choose divorce then? I choose happiness that’s why. So who’s to blame then? We both are. Oh how complicated it all is, I know. Does everyone agree and support this decision? No. Should we have stayed together and fought harder? No, but damn, we tried. People will say we didn’t try hard enough and those people weren’t in our marriage.

This is my second divorce and I said to someone, “I just can’t get love right”. I mean, are my expectations too high? Are they too low? How could two people love each other so much that they choose to get married and vow to be together forever, no matter what. And then those same two people allow so much space to build between them and those words- that there’s a permanent breakdown of their marriage. I don’t have the answer to that. Love feels easy but just like the interworking of any relationship, it’s not. The only way I can explain it is that just how we fell in love is just how we fell out of it. Slowly and then all at once.

“Love is verb”- have you heard this before? We hear people say they’ve found their ‘person’, the one. How do you know when you’ve found them? I think that when you’re 98 and you look over at the person you’ve spent an entire lifetime with and you still choose each other every day, well you’ve found your person. Until then, it’s a daily decision you must make to fight to keep what you have. We can’t get stuck, we can’t get too comfortable, and routine is the enemy. Love takes work, that’s the verb part, it’s the doing. 

If you don’t like them than how can you love them?

Look, I don’t know a lot of things but what I’ve learned is that love requires communication and compromise. It’s being selfless and asking questions, it’s not taking the other for granted. It’s not letting hurt or resentment build up by speaking out before shit goes sideways. Love is so many things and I do believe there is a difference between loving someone and being in-love with them. If you don’t like them than how can you love them? Love is a constant and forever kind of thing, as in I will forever love all of my exes. There will be a tender spot that I will always hold for each of them. I think it’s the being in-love bit that we run the risk of falling in and out of. It’s the part that keeps us on our toes, it’s the big work part, it’s the doing. 

Integrity is everything and there’s nothing integral about lying to someone for the sake of keeping a promise.

It’s our responsibility to ourselves and to our partners to be honest about how we feel and where we are. So many questions run through your mind when you’re packing your things into boxes. Where did the love go and why can’t we get it back? Did we do everything possible to save what we had and will we have regrets? Integrity is everything and there’s nothing integral about lying to someone for the sake of keeping a promise. The truth is always better than a lie and should never be compromised because of fear. I will never stay in a relationship with someone out of convenience or comfort. I will never lie to someone I love and tell them I’m in love with them when I’m not, or that we’re only bent when we’re actually broken. Too often we’re so afraid of being uncomfortable that we stay in relationships and situations out of convenience. Too often we hurt the person we’re with because we’re too afraid to share with them our truths, so then we become a lie. Where’s the integrity in that?

Psst.. you… I really want to say this to you… if you’re questioning your relationship or if my story landed on you in such a way, if you’re hurting, or if you feel alone or lost or confused: Only YOU know your marriage. Only you know what happens when we close the doors and don’t allow the rest of the world in. You have all the answers you’re looking for and you don’t need me or anyone else to tell you how to feel or what to do. But if I may, I’ll say this- if there’s a fighting chance, take it. If you can save what you have or fall back in love, take it. If there is any hope left at all, if there is any fight left in either one of you… take it. There’s courage in that too. Go for it no matter what. Whatever your decision is, to walk away or to step it up, go for it.

I’m sharing this with you because no one gets to tell our story but us. I hope you hear me and I hope maybe some of it helps you. It’s actually no one’s business what happens in your life and we worry too much about what people think. Who gets to live your life but you? I know I’ve asked you a lot of questions in this post but it’s because they’re things we have to ask ourselves and sometimes they’re conversations we aren’t having.

I chose to finally talk about it because happiness and love… both of which everyone wants and we all deserve. Love is so many things. I refuse to believe that our marriage was a failure. We really went for it. Joe and I will forever have love and respect for one another and we continue to be kind to each other. That to me is a success.

Let’s Be Clear

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I used to resent being referred to as an “influencer”. Bleh- you want to group me in with people who create these unrealistic lifestyles and never show the real life that takes place behind all of their picture perfect social media squares? No thanks! But then I thought about it, leaders influence people and we’re all leaders in our way right? P.S. don’t come for my throat, I’m not saying all influencers do this, I’m referring to the people out there who are real ‘influencer buttholes’, you know the ones.

Because I realized that we can choose what we influence and how, and we can choose to not influence at all, even. But to have the “capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone”… wow, well that seems like a big responsibility to me. And honestly, some days I choose not to go too deep and just post about my burrito and some days I choose to go there. Like today. If what we’ve been through in life and how we’ve coped can help even ONE person, wouldn’t we want to influence in that way?

you’re not f*cking it all up and whatever you’re doing, you’re doing just great

I would’ve really loved to have that when Corrine was little. For someone tell me that I’m not f*ucking it all up, that we’d make it out a-okay, that my best was in fact enough, and that I birthed a baby and stretch marks ARE sexy! Holy hell can you imagine what that would’ve done for my confidence as a single mother and my self esteem as a person?

This was wayyy before Instagram , Facebook, and all the other social media platforms that exist today ever existed. So if I had a hard time adulting before all this (still do sometimes tbh) then I know that what our kids and these impressionable young minds (adult minds too c’mon now) are feeling and how it can weigh heavily on their mental health. I have an almost 22 year old daughter and to teach her to think outside of social media is a pain in the ass, and also a lesson I had to learn. PS I still have to remind myself of that, I have my days, trust.

Comparison is the thief of joy- Theodore Roosevelt

Every image… every.single.image. *claps hands, you know she means business* that is published in magazines, on billboards, etc. is retouched. I already knew that but a few of my friends have highlighted a page on Instagram called @beauty.false and others, where Real Life vs Instagram is showcased side by side. You guysssss, it’s pretty crazy what we see on social media versus real life… and hey I get it, I love a good filter! But I use VSCO to enhance the brightness not the booty. Let’s be clear, I love bright whites and shadows and light flares and bumping up saturation…but I’m not going to bump up my booty just to fit into these ‘new norms’ I’ve been seeing. Have you seen this? Where tiny women make their waists even tinier and where they make their asses look like a science experiment? To each their own, this is not a dig, but if you’re out there with an audience and you have a voice on any platform, and you’re not sharing your truths (should you choose to be an ‘influencer’, don’t @ me), then what the fuck are you doing?

it took me 0.5 seconds to cinch my waist and fill out my hip dips

I mean, I’m a fitness coach who loves food, drinks tequila, hulks out at the gym, and has hip dips, stretch marks, and cellulite. GASP! Now, will I post what I feel is a ‘bad’ photo of myself to Instagram? Probs not, but I will be honest about how bomb lighting, a flex, or a filter will make me feel like a GD supermodel. Oh man, I’ll go into the pressures of the industry on another day, but this topic really fires me up. I personally unfollow, delete, mute, block, whatever I gotta do to not have the BS of IG creepin’ on my inner dialogue. If I’m not interested in someone’s actual life or don’t talk to them IRL than I don’t feel bad doing that and you shouldn’t either. They’re the images and messages that will fill our personal space on the daily. I need to follow more cute animal accounts! Don’t we all <3

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this, I kind of went on a tangent (no surprise) so please tell me how you feel about social media. How do you feel about influencers, are you one? Do you feel the pressure to be authentic or inauthentic? Do you think about the content you see in your feed or do you mindlessly scroll for entertainment? I’m guilty of consuming IG in both ways…hello slime vids at 3am <3

this photo got so much praise which I’m grateful for because I do LOVE my body, but also: lighting, filter, flex baby <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

For My Misfits – Welcome to One Month Mission!

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This past Saturday wrapped up my first ever Reset Camp. I had the honor of being head coach alongside my friend and fitness Jesus Lacey Stone. If you follow me on Instagram you’ve seen me post a bunch about Lacey, The Wall, these Comeback Camps, and my excitement over coaching. So I wanted to take a moment to tell you why you’ve seen this flux in fitness posts and what it means to me to be a coach. 

this is not dejavu, this is a separate post on why I love coaching you

Lacey’s camps are so special because it’s more than just a bootcamp, these camps are about so much more than just the workouts. I really do believe that you can get a good workout anywhere, it’s all about how much effort you put into it or if you’re just phoning that session in. I’ve gotten the same results from hot yoga as I have from a bootcamp style workout because I hulk out no matter what I do … granted, I need to learn to chill TF out, but it really comes down to how present you are in that room right?

… we’re resetting our energy, not just refocusing on our goals

During my Reset camp I really tried to convey the message that we were resetting our energy, not just refocusing on our goals. Though it may be easier to remember why you started, I’ve realized that it’s more difficult for us to reset our energy because we’re so used to giving it away to everyone else. Our time together is more about: refill our energy, and then refocus and reset. That’s what we do in these camps. As time goes on and we evolve as people we change, so it’s completely normal that our goals do too. Here are some excerpts from my emails that I sent out to our squad last week and I want you to read them so that if you need to hear it, it’s here. Or maybe you know someone else who needs to hear it. Where ever you’re at and what ever your goal, it’s our mission as a team to help you get there. Here’s a little love letter from me to you about my Reset camp, what we did, and what you can expect during One Month Mission (1MM).

These camps aren’t for the faint of heart, they’re not easy, and there’s nothing soft or gentle about them

As a coach, I’ve observed your courage and how you move with intensity. These camps aren’t for the faint of heart, they’re not easy, and there’s nothing soft or gentle about them. I mean, these workouts have roughed us up and here we are still standing! That’s how we do. 

Lacey asked me what my favorite part of camp was and there were SO many memorable moments. And I’ll tell you, RESET was intense. Yesterday alone, you switched sides four times, you went TEN timed rounds, and you pushed more weight on the benches than in the entire camp combined. I left little room for you to catch your breath and onto the next move we went, performing combinations I’d never thrown at you before. Throughout all the madness, you showed no weakness or hesitation in your bodies…even after the 799 sprints. I want you to remember that the next time in life you want to tap TF out—you did all that! Memorable. 

These workouts are absolutely designed to make you stronger physically, challenge your stamina, and push you past your limits. But it is more about pushing so hard that you’re forced to tap into the place you pull from when you physically have nothing left to give, that place deep within our bellies where we’re confronted with our inner dialogue. That is when one of two things happens: You either doubt your abilities and let your minds wander, or you do what you did this week and step into your power. That’s true grit.

To paraphrase something from the film Game Changers, “It’s not about how strong you are or how much power you have, it’s what you do with that strength and power.” You sharpened your edges this Reset, you made one another better, and you spread that energy around like peanut buttah. Lacey and I were literally speechless after class and that says a lot about two people who always have something to say.

Something I’ve asked of you is to be willing to give your all, to be coachable, and to trust the process … we’re going to enter that room with purpose and we’ll leave it all on the floor. Get good sleep tonight, because…“There’s just one thing: we never, ever do nothing nice and easy, we always do it nice and rough.” – Tina Turner, Proud Mary. I am so proud of YOU.

that you’ll only find here at #TeamLSF

Those were just some pieces from our team emails that I wrote to our campers that I wanted to share with you because I do believe there is something we do in that room together that you can’t just recreate. Like I said, you can get a good workout anywhere. There are some FAN-FUGGEN-TASTIC trainers/coaches/teachers out there. But to have a team of badass, strong, warrior-women by your side doing it with you and 3 coaches to guide you, support you, and protect you along the way … that you’ll only find here at #TeamLSF. I do hope I get the chance to help coach you this month during 1MM, click here to claim your spot if you’re local to Los Angeles and if you’d like to join us virtually, you can do that HERE! You can’t escape me, I’m all over the VP and so is Kristin so go rep the virtual squad baby! Hop on the forums and say hello! <333

That was a lot of gushing on how special I believe our team to be, but honestly I think anyone would say that about a group of people they have infinite love for. I felt so sad driving away from the studio on our last day, like I truly wanted to write one last email and then spend every day with everyone haha But I hold that squad near to my heart and now on to 1MM we go! So LET’S GO!

Where will I see you? In person for camp and workouts? On the virtual platform??? Let’s just spend every day together! 

 

“Let’s push through the rough stuff and eat the good stuff”- Coach Jess

Put Yourself On A TIME OUT

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This past week I’ve fully immersed myself into my work and a secret passion project of mine that I can’t wait to share with you. Side note: it’s weird when other people say ‘secret project’ and it’s still weird when I say it, but I promise it’s a fun one! And since I don’t see this slowing down for another week or two three, I thought I’d share with you what is keeping me sane throughout the process of sitting alone for hours, in a dimly lit room, with resources and research. Also, this is a plea for snacks.

Here’s the deal, I go go go and admittedly I am a WORKAHOLIC. Okay, fine, I said it. I love my work though, so it’s nice to be in the zone, like really in it. It’s also nice to come up for air from time to time and though I don’t break enough throughout the day, there’s one thing I’m like, really good at. Self care and putting myself on a time out.

I’ve even been really quiet on social media if you’ve noticed … if you haven’t noticed than maybe you’ve been really quiet too. Feels good right?! We can go a lil lot crazy when you work from home, secluded, with little interactions from other humans.

It’s completely normal to fully lose your shit

No matter where we are in life or in our careers, we’re go go go , we grind grind grind, we hustle hustle hustle. How could we not lose our shit right? *I’m feeling a bit preachy right now but as I currently write to you I’m in a top knot, on my couch, in my pj’s, at 4:28pm, having had only a pb&jelly sammich all day, and going going going… hence I’m feeling a bit preachy

So here’s a few things I love to do to put myself on a time out. It’s hard to do sometimes because you get so focused, but do it anyway. Even if it’s just ten minutes, or at the end of your day, hit pause and TIME OUT

 

get it out- write it out, scream it out, whatever you’ve gotta do to let the thoughts out, let em out. As human we like to play things on a loop until we can’t make sense of them as they are so then, oh wow, plot twist, our brain has formulated it’s own new ending to that story/conversation/moment/interaction

dance it out- ugh I love doing this so much. Do you watch my stories? Have you seen me break out into a mid day dance party? This is why! Our thoughts, moods, feelings all turn into energy and that energy can either be stagnant or it can be BIG and we can use it to shift our day.

SHIFT THAT SHIT

treat yo self- time out for real for some self care pampering time!- I’m all about that ‘me time’ pampering time! I love doing skin care masks, ya know, the ones that make you look crazy *insert The Office epi where Dwight is trying to perform CPR on the dummy* I love taking baths, having a few glasses of wine (who ever in life, do you know, STOPS after A glass of wine? no one that’s who), adding in some bubbles, turning on some tunes, and throwing in some relaxing bath bombs.

be still- gross I hate this one but it’s the most EFFECTIVE one! Being still, taking it slowly, doing some yoga, meditating, reading a damn book, going for a quite hike, all the things that settle your mind and calm your spirit. Do it. I promise you’ll get after it so much more focused afterwards.

and if you still lose your shit, that’s cool too. We’re human, it’s normal

What are some things you do to put yourself on a time out? I need to do more of this, more frequently, send your recs. Oh and the snacks too, this is still a public plea for those 😉

 

 

 

Thank You, Next

by with 2 Comments personalrantsrelationshipswellness

With each new year I take some time to reflect on the things I’ve done, the places I’ve been, and what I’ve learned. This story is inspired by my friend Karissa. I want to give you a brief history of some significant relationships in my life that I’ve had with women and with men, which were all important to me so here goes.

Also, if this is the first time you’re hearing about me dating women it’s because I don’t go around talking about my love life and generally in life my sexual orientation doesn’t come up. I mean who goes around asking, “So, what you into?”. And two, privacy. But if you ask me I’ll tell you, I fall in love with a person. I don’t see gender I see character, I see integrity, I see love, and I see who I am when I’m with them. I see who they are when they’re with me and I fall in love with a person’s spirit, not their body parts. Though, those are nice too.

FIRST LOVE
Corrine’s father, my first everything. We met in High School, I was 14 and nerdy, he was in my grade, popular and confident. He made me feel seen when I didn’t feel seen in the world at all. Your teenage years are difficult and we navigated those years together. Getting pregnant, getting married, and then getting divorced. I grew up with him but I had a lot of growing up to do.

What he taught me: how to love. At one point in life, we truly loved each other. He taught me a lot about control. Self control and that you can’t control someone else, you have power over yourself and that’s about it. I lost myself in him which was beautiful and terrible. Love is tricky always but especially tricky when you’re not emotionally mature. I’ll forever be grateful to you for Corrine. The very best of the both of us lives in her, thank you for that R.

Song that reminds me of him:  Mariah Carey’s ‘When I Saw You’ came out when we met and I used to play it on repeat and dream about lunch time with him when we wouldn’t actually eat lunch but instead make out for 30 minutes near the cafeteria. Oh young ones.

Favorite memory: He’d drive me to school and we’d blast rap music so loudly (lots of Too Short and Baby Bash) that my ears would ring for the first half of the day and then we’d pass notes to each other during shop class. I still have the first note he ever wrote me. Next,

THE LOVER
my first real girlfriend. I started kissing girls in the 8th grade when I realized I liked them (way to go 12 year old me, live yo life), but this was different. She held my hand in public, she was a young mom like me, and I loved the way she handled herself, very composed. We’d listen to music together and dance around the living room when the kids were in bed and drink whiskey. Thank you for my love of whiskey and singing country music with me L. 

What she taught me: Have fun outside of being a mom, it’s necessary. Make time for the relationships you want to last, relationships take effort and friendships are relationships.

Song that reminds me of her: Pink anything. We listened to Pink all day.

Favorite memory: Diner dates. We’d go to a diner and talk about life over coffee and waffles and whipped cream. Next,

THE MENTOR
we met when ‘cruising’ was cool. He rode motorcycles and was detailed and intelligent. He took care of us in a time when I had nothing and was working two jobs to keep it together while everything was falling apart. He helped me get back on my feet and encouraged me to go to college. He taught me the true meaning of being independent. I traveled, went out with friends, and found my passions again because he gave me the freedom to. I’ll forever love motorcycles, fast cars, and my boobs, thank you G. 

What he taught me: How to be aware of my surroundings, be a more defensive driver, P.O. Boxes forever, and to stand up for myself. He was in law enforcement so being paranoid in a good way was good. Still is. I always have an ‘out’ no matter where in public I go.

Song that reminds me of him: ‘Nobody’ by Keith Sweat

Favorite memory: late night motorcycle rides through the canyons. He’d wake me up in the middle of the night to hike me around windy roads with cool breezes and star chasing. Next,

THE NURSE
we met in college. She was in my 6am English class and wore a hoodie like nobody’s business. Her makeup was dark and in private moments she was sweet and laughed easily. She was driven. She wanted to be a nurse and the first in her family to get a degree. And she did it. I helped her get out of an abusive relationship and she helped me realize my love for taking care of and helping others. She was selfless and fiery. You always called me out on my shit and made me feel safe to talk about things that hurt, thank you for that M. 

What she taught me: you must first be able to count on yourself before you can count on anyone else. Never break promises to yourself. That my intuition is always right. And that letting go is a good thing.

Song that reminds me of her: The Pussycat Dolls ‘Watcha Think About That’

Favorite memory: She’d walk me to my Psych class on Tuesdays and Thursdays before she had to go into work and we’d just stroll around campus with breakfast burritos and hot cheetos talking about everything and nothing. She always smelled amazing. Next,

THE WIFE
we met when I was married to my first husband. We were just friends then and remained friends after my divorce, always following one another’s lives and supporting each other. Our friendship turned into something more years later and I was in love with her in such a way, we even talked about marriage. She was smart, witty and SO funny! She was never embarrassed to show me affection in public and we remained friends after our breakup and still follow one another’s lives and support each other. You were my first real girlfriend long before you were my real girlfriend. Thank you G. 

What she taught me: To be beautiful it just takes a genuine smile, some heart, and some silliness.

Song that reminds me of her: We listened to the 90’s a lot together, that whole era brings back great memories.

Favorite memory: one of the first memories I have with her was being in a car and feeling frazzled for some reason. I was still married then. She knelt down and looked at me in my eyes, she touched my arm in a serious but tender way and said, “it’s going to be okay, you’re strong and you have friends and I’m one of them.”
_______________________________________________________________________________

So there it is. Do you like stories like this? Let me know in the comments <3 Revisiting each of the loves of my life through this short-not-so-short-story really allowed me to look at each of them with gratitude. So your turn, thank you Karissa for this! Here’s the template she gave me:

One word to sum up your significant other:
A brief description of your relationship (focus on gratitude):
Lessons you learned:
Song that reminds you of them:
Favorite memory:

I hope you do this, it’s so interesting to me what loves make up our past and present. They’re all so significant if you really think about it. And not from a negative space but to focus on gratitude as she suggests. I actually teared up writing this! Your turn!

 

 

The Art Of Being A Woman Is An Art

by with No Comment beautycommunityfashioninspirationleisurelifestylemotivationpersonalreviewswellness

The art of being a woman, I mean damn, it’s an art. We navigate through life with tenacity and tact, grace and gratitude. So the story goes like this – my insanely talented and driven friend Alexandra wrote a book called The Art Of Being A Woman and I went to her launch party last night, which inspired this post. I was honored to have been on a panel with some pretty incredible talent where we discussed women’s issues, finding balance in life as a woman, and what we believe the art of being a woman means. My quote at the end of the panel was short and sweet, “we’re sexy, we smell good, we’re powerful, and we birth life”.

Among many things I also think ladies can be pretty bad ass when it comes to being savvy with our money and smart about our finances. Bargain shopping, that’s what I’m getting at here folks. You foxy babes will patiently sift and search, until you find the perfect piece . . . just like we find our husbands! KIDDING! In all seriousness though, the money I save bargain shopping is money I save for my kiddo. This write up is really to encourage you to pick up and read Alex’s book for insight and inspiration, AND to entice you with frugality. Because you can’t feel guilty when you shop and saving your hard earned money for a life you deserve is a very real thing. Yes, I am the queen of segues.

Lets be real, you’ll never find me in a high-end department store purchasing shoes that cost more than $50, or having the latest and greatest hand bag, or even knowing what those brands are- that’s just not me (that Tom Ford lippy there, on sale!). I have nothing but love for those of you who splurge on the finer things in life, I’d just rather find them on sale! So I’m gonna share with you my number one secret for this summer . . . having this season’s hottest accessories for literally 95% off. Crazy talk I know.

I fell deep into an Instagram hole, as we all do at 3am … and found so many adorably cute jewelry companies. I wanted these earrings so badly until I found out they were $96 and wanted to chuck my phone at the wall before I remembered that Joe was asleep next to me and refrained. Needn’t worry though, your girl found these (just as beautiful) dupes for $5.90! Forever 21 y’all. Also this is not an ad #ipaidforthis. I swooned and maybe even squeaked a lil over these Circle Cutout Ear Jackets because they’re very similar to their $84 step sisters but for a ridiculously lower price point.

And check it, these Filigree Drop Earrings are only $4.90 compared to the $95 earrings that I was side eyeing because classic, and for less than 6 bucks you can have this summer’s hottest trend- the tasseled duster earrings, which I found for $75+ on other sites. You may think quality above all else but if you’re like me and you lose earrings like you lose socks (where do those lone socks even go?!) than this is just fine for you *snap snap

Insane right?! Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE beautiful things and sometimes we just get what we pay for and we wanna splurge on whatever the hell we want. DO IT! But also sometimes not. I’d personally rather invest my money in experiences and traveling with my family. I also want to be out of college student loan debt, I want a house, and I don’t want to worry about my daughter struggling in her future, I want all of that. So I save and I save and this is one of the many ways that I do that. Also, no one will even know that you’re not on brand and if they do they’re standing too close.

So that’s the lesson for today, my Mama Lizama Moment if you will- to run, not walk on over to snag a book from my girl Alex, and to save where you can by indulging on some thangs and not on others. The art of being a woman to me also includes being financially free and dammit if that means I shop sales for the rest of my life so I can have that big ol’ house than I’ll do it! This was a simple trick that I wanted to share with you, a quirky way to be all trendy but not break the bank and I hope some of my ways help you too!

What does the art of being a woman mean to you? If you could describe it in one word what would it be? I should’ve added “financially savvy” to my last quote 😉 

 

 

 

 

5 WAYS TO SPRING CLEAN YOUR LIFE!

by with No Comment healthhome decorinspirationlifestylepersonalwellness

Spring has S P R U N G! Have you heard?! Everyone I talk to is all buzzing about Spring time, the change in season, the change in weather, and the change they’re feeling internally. What is it about a new season that makes us feel the need to turn a new leaf? Pun intended.

So June 20th will mark mid Spring- like we’ll officially be in the middle of the season! I said June… can you believe we’re talking about JUNE?! So I thought instead of freaking out over how FAST this year is flying by, I’d chill out and share with you the top 5 ways to spring clean your life. Hey, if I have to deal with the crazy so do you 😉


FRESH FLOWERS – this is a good one. Not even gonna lie, spending the $3 at Trader Joe’s for some fresh flowers is totally worth having fresh flowers every week. Can’t put a price on attitude amirite? There’s something about the presence of flowers (like real ones) that makes a difference in your space. The color, the movement, the smell. Yes, stop and smell your flowers. Did I mention they’re only $3!

CANDLES – this is a real one. All the candles, light them. Every time you light a candle a Fragile Rock finds its way home … or something like that but it works. Use it for meditation. And to rid your space of that bad bad ju ju.

MEDITATION – this is a big one. Which moves me into the next tip which is to actually meditate. I personally don’t know how to be still and appreciate it so I’m still working on it. But even if it means you close your eyes for 10 mins and be still, practice yoga, read a book, or take some time in the car to just breathe, it all helps. Everything helps when everything hurts. Okay now I’m just being dramatic. Taking some time to regroup will allow your mind the ability to focus on the purge to come. *being super extra now

ACTUALLY SPING CLEAN – this is a literal one. Yes clean, clean your closet out, clean out your fridge, get rid of the 347 mugs you’ll never use but that you’re waiting to Insta-Story because they say things like, “Go the extra mile, it’s never crowded”. Get. it. together. Oh, no pressure I know! I hear people talk about Spring cleaning and my eyes glaze over. The last thing I want to do on a chill Saturday morning is go through all of my things and organize. But we gotta do it! We’re adulting. It’s also okay if now’s the time you purge toxic people from your life. Just blame it on cleaning out your closet.

DON’T FORGET ABOUT YOUR GOALS – this is my favorite one. It may be time to revisit your vision board, does anything need to be added or removed? Is it in a place you can see every day and not shoved behind the dresser? Does it reflect your current goals? It’s normal to look at your vision board and go “pffftttt!” LOL because where you were 6 months ago may  not be where you’re at today and that’s okay. Jot down your current feels, be realistic, and remember to think big – like still aim for those stars baby!

And that’s it! Those FIVE super simple steps to Spring cleaning your life. Mostly this is for me too because I’m stuck somewhere between learning to be still and actually cleaning 😀

 

When you Spring clean what’s the first thing you go through? Your car? Your home? Your mind space? Have you glazed over yet?